Open Letter to Danny Glover

In today's Tal Cual, columnist Laureano Márquez includes a hilarious letter to Danny Glover (posted below), who is in the middle of a visit to Venezuela, as a guest of the "Bolivarian revolution." The letter is written in broken English, and while Márquez may be joking throughout much of it, he is addressing a very serious problem in Venezuela: the amount of foreign intellectuals who come to Venezuela in search of that ridiculous, adolescent illusion of a "revolution for the people."

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Serious humor


Laureano Márquez

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Open Letter to Danny Glover

By Laureass Márquez

Dear Mr. Glover:

Welcome to our land, Venezuela, land of the liberator Simón Bolívar, the first and the second. I read in the newspaper, que you have come (And I can see you come a lot, because are very big, like two Aristóbulos) to this country to see the situecion of the blacs. You now, the news peiper spicks much sheet. I knew since the first time that this isent could be true: One american citizen visitin ower land to see the situeicion of the blacs. !No me foking! That mey be a joke, blac humor what calling.

Well but in a negative suppose that the motivation of your visit is that, let me tell you something: May be you listen a much to the declarations of the canciller and the vice- president sayng that the problem in Venezuela is a confrontation between blacs and guaits. Rich guaits and poor blac in the most clear tradition of the novel “Poor blac” of Don Rómulo Galician, the same author of Mrs. Bárbara, like the mother of your president.

Let me tell you something: Here we have other kinds of problems. We never had buses for blacs and for guaits, only escoñeteiting buses for everi body. Our government, a diference of yours, no fuk only a blacs, sino a all of us parejo. I don’ t know if I am explain. We don’ t have blacs who like to be guaits an somete itself to a process of blanqueition, like Michael Jackson., ni de pod. Here never a blac woman have to stand up of the seat because a guait don’ t have seat, we like very much blac woman, because they are very good. Here the word “negro”, “negrita” shows love. We have blacs ministers, like Aristóbulo, the little blac that you met the other day in the viceprecidency.

The problem with Aristóbulo is not the blachood, if he tell you this pod, he fuk you. The problem is the incapacity, the incoherence and the cinism.

See. I tell you the problem: We was conquered by the Spanish, they came here, and Rodrigo of the Triana says “Laaaaaaannndddd” and they said “that’s mine”, like you in Irak, I don’ t now if you are understandin me? Well, after a time called the colony we get the independence of the hand of the liberator Simón Bolívar (ower first dictator, Boris Izaguirre says). After de independence we began a century of civil guars, like yours but a complete century: The gocho people came from the mountains one after other and to the coñazo limpio take the power.

Here not law, here not institutions, here not nothing. ¿Are you following me? Then we began the XX century with another gocho dictator: Juan Vicente Gomez. When Gomez peling boling, we began a little democracy: Lopez, the transition and Medina a very simpatic little fat who make legalizations of political parties, including the communist.

The adecos knock out a Medina and then Chalbaud knock out the adecos, and then Pérez Jimenez knokck out Chalbaud, an then –ten years later– the democracy we will come back with the other Rómulo. This democracy, in the course of the time, have had a lot of errors: corruption, especulation, murder, people become poor in the middle of the sea of petroleum. Then the people get a big a red chair and change of the adecos and the copeyanos for Chavez. But the adecos and the copeyanos stay smalls in front of Chávez. They was children of breast. More poverty, more inequality, corruption that you get sick of your stomach and had to go to the bathroom very frecuently. The family of the president in the power (the same like yours but whithout election) and he speaking big eggs all day in the televition. Is this what you want to continue? Is this correct?

Here, we don’ t have ratials problems, and no religions too. Here we want to live the life in peace!Oh Ohoooooooooo!

Then Danny, go to your beautiful land and do that you have to do there, and if you want follow ower example:

One people who want to knock out a one learning of dictator with the law and whitout violence to living life in peace ¡Ohoooh Ohoooooooooh!